When paths cross ...

... in this journey we lovingly call life we occasionally cross paths with other travellers. At these moments an opportunity may open up to get to know the other. To find out where they are at on their journey, how they may be feeling, what adventures they have had or maybe having and what they are about? Not everyone will want to share their story or even give you the time of day and yet when someone does a connection can be made and a relationship may begin to develop. In that space there is an opening, the possibility for co-creation, learning and adventuring and just possibly for love to expand. It's in those moment's that life can be at it's most precious, magical and sweet. Fellow travellers take a multiplicity of forms, not all human, in fact mostly other than human. Last week on our walks Becky and I came across a confident fox strolling along the same path as us. We also meet up with Beau Fizz, the dear boy all antlers and beautiful eyes. In their own way each had much to share, I am grateful they stayed a while and shared their journey with ours ...

Press Play

If it feels like play
It is play
Do it

If it feels like work
It is work
Stop!

Undone by a jam tart ...

Day Three of the no sugar challenge and I was undone by a jam tart! Only the one, now back on the no sugar wagon. No kidding this is way harder than I thought it would be. Thankfully no more dark and scary dreams.

The No Sugar Challenge and Dream One

I decided yesterday to try and not eat sugar for one week. That means no sweets, chocolate, cakes, biscuits or ice-cream. I will eat fruit, yogurts and cereals although I know there is some sugar in them, I do need to be able to eat something of a reasonable diet. I heard it said recently that eating sugar is for some a way of eating their emotions. I'm going to see what sugar represents for me and if my emotions are changed or effected by cutting it out of my diet as much as possible.

On the first night I had a very vivid and effecting dream. In the dream I was mostly observing events as if I was watching them from above or afar, not involved or at least at first I was not involved. There was a young girl and she was cornered by a group of people, and these people seemed bigger than her, more powerful, they were menacing. Their intentions were not loving or caring. They trained a huge powerful water jet on her, freezing cold water was pushing the little girl back into a corner, she had her hands over her face and her arms together in front of her body to protect herself from the powerful icy cold jet of water. And the group of people were watching intently seemingly watching how the little girl was trapped, scared, isolated, alone and hurting. Were they punishing her? What could she have done to deserve this treatment? Why was she being treated in this way?

Eventually I could see wounds opening on her body and blood trickling down her legs in rivulets of red against her white skin. I couldn't understand why she didn't move. I couldn't understand why the group of people were trapping her against the wall in this way. None of it made any sense. And I could not see how this was going to stop. I wanted to stand with my back against the jet of water looking at the girl. I wanted her to see that there was someone there for her. I wanted the pain she was experiencing to stop. The whole scenario being played out was deeply disturbing. Why do people behave in this way? Why do we go too far and hurt people? And what was really effecting is to know that I could be anyone of these people. Any judgement is also a judgement against me. There I am observing, questioning, judging and the over-riding impulse is to do something, take action.

Doing something possibly eased my discomfort. I don't know. Maybe it's not always about working out what is going on, instead it's about working out what to do or how to respond. What I do know is I have been thinking about this all day. And the image of the scene has stuck in my head. And not in a good way. It leaves a threatening residue, a menacing feeling in its trace. Definitely not a warm fuzzy glow!

I just had a moment ... !

Maslow called it self-actualisation ... I'm not sure that is what just happened and yet it is this sensation whereby a multiplicity of feelings, thoughts, events go capow and this tiny window of clarity, meaning takes place ... I'm not sure what to call it ... a moment ... when the transition clicks and I go oh yeah that's it ... I'm where I want to be and quick as a flash it's gone again. That's just happened to me. I was thinking about Joanna Macy's 'Work that Reconnects', what some call 'The Great Turning' and the shift from an industrial growth society to a life sustaining community and for me so much of what is going on focuses on seemingly what is going on out there and not what is going on in here. For me it's the in here that is fascinating. This is where the seed is planted, germinates and starts to grow. In a way I also accept there is no out there and in here. It's an artificial dualism, nevertheless, when personal responsibility is in play I bring my full self into the scenario and I am imagining who knows all about transition in every sense and then I was like well people who transition their gender, that's a no hiding situation. It's deeply personal and yet it involves everything you come into contact with and seemingly changes the fundamentals of your life. If someone can transition from male to female or female to male how does that compare with someone transitioning from an individuated ego-identified sense of self to a collective transpersonal sense of self? Does your sense of knowing, being and doing alter or become more authentic during this process of transition? I'm curious? And do I have the language to describe what it is people transition into being, knowing and doing in the shift to a life-sustaining community? It's all questions on this path!!! I don't even know if I am asking helpful questions anymore! It's easy for me to get lost once the tiny moments of clarity pass.

Some additional thoughts from Anne Ortelee. In the transition go for the place or choose the choice that offers you a tribe you can call your own. Where will you be happy doing what you love to do? Can you name that place and start to move toward the possibility of getting there? Life is full of potential each of us needs to give ourselves the support in taking the risk to change our beliefs. Name and support the process of acheiving our dreams. Seek out and stand in the vision of what you are trying to create. Let the sun shine on your back, head and face. Whisper a quiet resolve to the Sun ~ Come up with the positive, the POSITIVE version or vision of where you are going. State it as a declarative statement. Give it a statute of limitations and stand back. See what you can do to support yourself and your dream. If YOU don’t support your dream, why do you think other people will help you?

Be like a boat on a river - find the flow and go with it.

You know the saying, 'things sometimes have to get worse before they can get better', well that kind of sums up my day. I woke up this morning after a disturbed nights sleep. The evening before had not gone well. I felt out of things and out of sorts, the pre-leaving detachment process is not easy for me and always catches me unawares. I wake up slowly, take my time and head out for breakfast. The intended interviews first thing did not go to plan. It was during this conversation that energies began to shift and move. Noticing the uncomfortableness and being open to responding to the ouch. Keeping the heart open. Listening to others. Really engaged, I'm there for you listening. Making connections and trying as best as possible to hear the other whilst watching and reading the energy, the unspoken, the eyes, the body, the movement, the tone of voice the whole person. And in turn watching the senses of my own body. Knowing it is soon time to depart and yet knowing on some other level that this is not the way to be leaving. Only to discover that someone special has left without my saying goodbye and a planned capturing of the moment has not happened and all of a sudden I'm gone into the emotion of the lose and the tears are at the surface. My emotions have caught up with events. Now I can no longer keep quiet. I don't like how things are unfolding and I need to acknowledge my unhappiness to myself and others. More than this I need to say what I am uncomfortable with, what is it that I feel challenged by? It's the ouch moment returning again. The feeling of disconnect! What will reconnect me to the people I love? Being emotionally honest. Paddling my boat. And by naming these desires the Universe in its blessed wisdom supports and nurtures me and others. The special one returns unexpectedly, the capturing of the moment takes place, the hugs and reconnections are made and my boat is paddled up and down stream mixed in with laughter and wonder. Now I can leave ...

transition

ouch! a line reached, a point crossed, the out-stretched palm of the hand figuratively thrust toward me, boom! sudden and unseen, I step back, retract, like a turtle into her shell, seeking safety and security, I know what my face is telling the world is somehow other than what I'm feeling, or is it? I'm deep within and my expression is for others to see, not me and I get asked if I'm ok, which would suggested my expression indicates otherwise, hum, distance, contraction, rejection, exclusion, withdrawal, is this what is happening? needs to happen? I don't know, maybe at points of transition it is best to tread ever more gently and listen to my soft animal body, talk less, react less, observe more, show gratitude, think of others, expand my heart so as not to feed the reoccurring film that wants to play entitled - 'self-doubt, outcast, outsider - you're not wanted or needed here anymore, go and leave and don't come back', the separation and moving on process flips like a switch, everyone reacts, takes cover, moves on, adjusts, adapts, this place is built to overcome separation, it does not want people to stay, or place roots, attachment is not wanted or desired, nurtured or expected, leavings are celebrated, I feel myself detach, disentangle, gathering up my belongs the return is impossible to imagine, uncomfortable to bear, too soon to contemplate, it's time to go again! again, it's time to go ...!

Wild Boat Woman

I fell in love today.
My heart sang
like a bird
singing the dawn chorus.
Aaahhhhhh .... sweet!

More soon.
'Nuff said.
Happy Daze.

brainrustiness

Is there such a word as brainrustiness? If there isn't there should be as it aptly describes my mental state right now. Or maybe I accidentally switched my brain off last autumn and now I'm trying to use it again I'm beginning to notice I'm not quite playing with a full deck, if you know what I mean!

If I were being a little more kind and generous with myself I could put this down to hormones or even having acquired a state of nowness. Living in the moment rather than juggling with the past and future. However that doesn't explain the basic forgetfulness I am experiencing.

I've always wondered what it would feel like to take a giant extended holiday and super chill. Well now I know. It feels like I'm floating, which is awesome. I can simply be, which is such a state of grace. And yet my concentration feels shot. And my memory is not even up to that of a goldfish. Three seconds and dink - blank!

I quit my 9 to 5 - there's no turning back!

Some people ask me,
What are you gonna be?
Why don't you go get a job?
All that I could say,
I won't give up my music,
Not me, not now, no way, no how!

Black Oaks

In the last month I have had 2 if not 3 encounters with the world of paid work. And I notice they are getting ever closer. I am struck by how different it feels to toil for no financial gain and to toil for coins. I'm more than happy to contribute, to pitch in, to provide for my needs and fulfil the needs of others. Ecological systems operate in cycles, flows of information and energy, no financial inducement or monetary price necessary. Each component takes what it needs if it's available and gives what it creates if desired by others. Cycles of give and take. It's a relationship thing not a market thing.

In her poem Black Oaks Mary Oliver writes ... "I don't want to sell my life for money. I don't even want to come in from the rain." I couldn't have put it better myself. Money takes away our ecological selves. It commodifies us. All forms of life are so much more than a product to be bought and sold.

Here's the poem in full. Black Oaks by Mary Oliver.

Okay, not one can write a symphony, or a dictionary,
or even a letter to an old friend, full of remembrance
and comfort.

Not one can manage a single sound though the blue jays
carp and whistle all day in the branches, without
the push of the wind.

But to tell the truth after a while I'm pale with longing
for their thick bodies ruckled with lichen
and you can't keep me from the woods, from the tonnage
of their shoulders, and their shining green hair.

Today is a day like any other: twenty-four hours, a
little sunshine, a little rain.

Listen, says ambition, nervously shifting her weight from
one boot to another -- why don't you get going?

For there I am, in the mossy shadows, under the trees.

And to tell the truth I don't want to let go of the wrists
of idleness, I don't want to sell my life for money,
I don't even want to come in out of the rain.