A sparkling 12 months

                     2013
                     an epic year
                     as good as it gets
                     and now I look
                     forward to the next
                     wishing for calmer waters
                     hoping for some shelter
                     and a time to renew and refresh

                     after the doing comes the being
                     back and forth
                     the cycle of all things
                     let it be so
                     for 2014
                     gentle forgiveness
                     gentle confidence
                     with each and every step
                     and learning along the way

                     for good measure
                     may I be and see the sparkle
                     shine on!

Thoughts create reality

Not had much to say for a while now. Life has been more doing than being. In the process from expected and unexpected sources I am being visited by my fears and anxiety. Triggers have and are continuing to go off all over the shop. What to do? I can do delayed gratification. Where I struggle is delaying on-coming unpleasantness. Crazy. Craziness. The mis-match of one system crashing into another. Power-over sometimes unconscious or indisguise. Whatever the form it may take my body doesn't lie. My heart sees in ways my mind sometimes placates or obfuscates. My truth is that I am not ok. Not ok with seeming power over at play, running amok. It's not ok with me, not now, not having come this far. The fear is here. Inside me.

The new insight that has been offered to me is how to turn to my fears and show warmth? Welcome in my discomfort and let it be. Not to change it or make it go away. not to grip onto it and fed the monsters. instead to get to know these parts of me. I need not demonise them.

It's ok. It's all ok. It will be ok. Whatever happens. Fight or flight is a mighty strong force to uncouple. Some say my thoughts create my reality. If my thoughts are this grim and dark am I creating this future outcome or is it simply a present reality that can be changed by shifting my thoughts into another dimension. Let's see if I can experiment with this over the coming days. Instead of assuming the worse, why not assume the best! And let the fear be.

I was told a story about observing the swirling leaves. Especially now as they have mostly fallen from the trees on their path to decay as the chill winds of winter call. The leaves fall like confetti buffeted around the ground by local gusts. They form drifts in alcoves, under bushes they accumulate and along the hedgerows they pile high. Surrounding each leaf as it descends is an infinity of space. It's as if the beauty of the dying decaying leaf is cupped in an equally beautiful illuminating glow of love.  

I came across a poem by Ben Okri called The World Is Rich.  

They tell me that the world
Is rich with terror.
I say the world is rich
With love unfound.
It’s inside us and all around.

Terror is there, no doubt
Violence, hunger and drought;
Rivers that no longer
Flow to the sea.
It’s the shadow of humanity.

There’s terror in the air.
And we have put it there.
We have made God into an enemy,
Have made God into a weapon,
A poverty, a blindness, an army.

But the world is rich with
Great love unfound:
Even in the terror
There is love, twisted round
And round. Set it free.

River, flow to the sea.

What is the love unfound in my fears? What can I set free in me? This buried treasure is bound to be found. Is it wrapped in a blanket of trust? Or trussed up in acceptance such that whatever the challenge or the outcome before me, all will be as it is meant to be, all will be well and I am ready for this reality. To see with new eyes and bear witness. No judgement. And to bring with me bundles of love, warmth and acceptance. Offering a safe seat for all to sit round this fireside and share stories of brave and gallant adventures, of times when all was lost and at sea, of moments when searing beauty rang through the valleys calling it's special song, of dark and dangerous monsters who sought to ensnare and trap my soul, of such delicacy and sweetness that my senses could barely behold and of the height and depths of the soaring tawny owl seeking to guide me home to my greatest belonging. Imagine, that is something worth thinking about.  

Russell Brand is on a roll ...

In the last few weeks Russell Brand has been stirring the establishment pot via various elements of the media advocating for a social and systemic revolution. First, there was his guest edited issue of the New Statesman. As he put it, "Total revolution of consciousness and our entire social, political and economic system is what interests me, but that’s not on the ballot. Is utopian revolution possible? The freethinking social architect Buckminster Fuller said humanity now faces a choice: oblivion or utopia. We’re inertly ambling towards oblivion, is utopia really an option?

With that question hanging in the air, Brand stepped out to speak with Jeremy Paxman on the BBC late night current affairs show Newsnight.



This piece has already had 9 million viewings on youtube alone. Interestingly despite Jeremy's classical antagonistic interviewing style, days later he voiced his agreement with the vue that people are disenchanted with politics. Why can't Jeremy have an open conversation and sharing of opinions during the Newsnight interview? Why is it he has to go on a evening entertainment show to be able to express his own views?  



Now we move into November, since the TV appearance and the magazine publication Russell Brands words have gone viral. It's stirred up a hornets nest of reactions across the political spectrum. Undeniable there are those with entrenched vested interests in the status quo who are taking the stance that Russell Brand is a vacuous waste of space spouting utter nonsense to be utterly ignored and undermined. And yet there are many, mostly the voiceless invisible ones in our communities who are nudging one another and saying 'he's got a point', 'it's about time someone said this stuff'.

I am one of those people who after realising that we live in a world facing immense scary challenges with no obvious instant answers can be overwhelmed to the point of paralysis. When I feel myself moving into a state of despair, disillusionment or nihilism the desire to reach out for my touchstones of comfort - food, TV etc is very strong. Better some method of pushing the uncomfortable feelings away than having to face up to the discomfort. And yet ironically turning to face the discomfort is the door to change, to an alternative, to freedom, to empowerment, to friendship, to reconnection with the world around me in all of it's vibrancy and uncertainty. My interpretation of Brands message, which he rightly makes clear is not new or unique to him, is to take responsibility and to participate in the world to make it a better place. DONT LEAVE IT TO THE ELECTED POLITICIANS. I ask myself how can I step up and get involved? Whatever I do, you do, we do will make a difference and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

Where are we now in the Brand revolution? Today it's an article in The Guardian newspaper in which he continues to put forward the case that we deserve a better democratic system. "A system that serves the planet and the people" - all the people, not just a lucky few at the top table. It's time ... it's time ... it's time.

10 Rules for Being Human

Check out the list below and see where you are in this interesting reflection on being human.

There is a thread

The Way It Is

It goes among things that change. 
There is a thread you follow. 
But it doesn’t change.
People wonder about what things you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.

While you hold it you can’t get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and grow old.

Nothing you do can stop times unfolding.
You don’t ever let go of the thread.

— William Stafford

We learn with the great spirits

Below are some images of the Yanomami people of Brasil. More can be found on the website of survival international.

To the Yanomami every tree, rock, mountain and creature has a spirit.

The Yanomami shamans are not only protecting their own community, but looking after the rest of the world as well. They know that our planet is changing. The sky is full of smoke because our rainforest is being logged and burnt. The rains come late, the sun behaves in a strange way. The lungs of the sky are polluted. The world is ill.

Where will we go when we have destroyed our world?

When the planet is silent, how will we learn?

Everyone is an artist

Last Friday morning I heard an English translation of a poem by Joseph Beuys. I know little of Joseph Beuys and yet what I do know tells me this is a person of deep compassion. Observing Germany and Germans post world war two Beuys noticed an unwillingness or inability to feel. Without feeling how can humans be fully alive and realise our potential. From this sense of knowing Beuys developed creative, playful and artistic ways groups of people could come back into a felt experience of life. This is where his idea that everyone is an artists comes from. Through this process of creativity, however we practise it in our lives, we create social sculpture. The words alone - social sculpture - have an magical allure to them. The idea that as individuals in a community we shape and influence the world around us and this is our act of creation is beautiful.

Here is Joseph Beuys poem, translated by Leonie Scupin.

Every human is an artist
Let go.
Learn to observe snails.
Plant impossible gardens.
Invite someone dangerous for tea.
Make little signs that say "yes"
and distribute them all over your house.
Become a friend of freedom and insecurity.
Look forward to dreams.
Cry watching movies.
Swing as high as you can with a swing in moonlight.
Cultivate different moods.
Reject to be "responsible".
Do it out of love.
Take a nap.
Pass money on. Do it now. Money will follow.
Believe in magic.
Laugh a lot.
Bath in moonlight.
Dream wild, imaginative dreams.
Draw on walls.
Read every day.
Imagine yourself to be enchanted.
Giggle with children.
Listen to old people talk.
Open yourself, dive in, be free.
Bless yourself.
Let go of fear.
Play with everything.
Entertain the child in you.
You are innocent.
Build a castle out of blankets.
Get wet.
Hug trees.
Write love letters.
 

- Joseph Beuys -

What kind of time are these

There are some few who will meet you there
in that place where judgement has fallen away
There are some few who will meet you there
in that place unknowable until the veil drops from your eyes
where questions have more meaning than answers ever will
There are some few waiting for you
holding the mystery in all its magical beauty for you to see a new
There are some few who will met you there
holding out cupped leaves in their hands to catch your tears
There are some few who will meet you there
feeding a fire for you to sit and be warmed by

These are the best of times and the worst of times
These are troubled times and times of transformation
As the old takes it leave and the new is coming into view
May we always speak in the language of trees.

Adrienne Rich: What Kind of Times Are These

There’s a place between two stands of trees where the grass grows uphill
and the old revolutionary road breaks off into shadows
near a meeting-house abandoned by the persecuted
who disappeared into those shadows.

I’ve walked there picking mushrooms at the edge of dread, but don’t be fooled
this isn’t a Russian poem, this is not somewhere else but here,
our country moving closer to its own truth and dread,
its own ways of making people disappear.

I won’t tell you where the place is, the dark mesh of the woods meeting the unmarked strip of light—
ghost-ridden crossroads, leafmold paradise:
I know already who wants to buy it, sell it, make it disappear.

And I won’t tell you where it is, so why do I tell you
anything? Because you still listen, because in times like these
to have you listen at all, it’s necessary
to talk about trees.

She Is Gone

You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
Or you can be full of the love that you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday
You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.


by David Harkins

Learning (A Kapow of New Wave Inspiration)

This photo was taken on Yonge Street, Toronto and it sums up the spirit of openness, exploration, adventure, creativity and curiosity that should be part of any learning environment or experience. Life is messy. Learning is no different. Why can't the idea of making mistakes be reclaimed as a positive? It should be. How else can we find our learning edges unless we cross them.

To quote the poet John Keats,  “Don't be discouraged by a failure. It can be a positive experience. Failure is, in a sense, the highway to success, inasmuch as every discovery of what is false leads us to seek earnestly after what is true, and every fresh experience points out some form of error which we shall afterwards carefully avoid.”


Today I have come across two more nuggets of learning inspiration.

The first is by Rob Brezny, an astrologist, who is deftly reading the night sky and interpreting it for our learning pleasure. Rob suggests that the present moment is providing us with an epic drama of extremes and an opportunity to royally let go of the old and make way or birth and create the new. No shades of grey or middle ground here. This is the time to seize the day. Or in Star Wars parlance 'feel the force Luke'! It is the showdown of the shadow vs the dream.

In Rob's own words, " The Collective Shadow of our time is a composite thought form made of the following negative tape loops: We're Running Out of Time, The Rich Take All, Love Can't Happen, Truth Can't Happen, Humanity Cannot Change. In certain parts of the world (like political arenas) this shadow thickens and dominates the psychic space, very hard to shake off, very hard to even see that it's a story. It masquerades as The Way Things Are, rather than as something we constantly tell ourselves is true that squeezes out alternative ideas. When caught in this shadow the undertow is deadly, making more constructive ideas seem hopelessly naive or preposterous.

Standing opposite to Pluto's Shadow is the Jupiterian Dream: whatever bright truth of the soul longs to be born from the deepest part of you, whatever you incarnated to express, whatever cosmic urge drew your soul from spirit into matter. Jupiter's Dream is the Big Dream that your individual dream is a part of. And when Dream opposes Shadow a rigorous initiation is at hand, because this clash of the titans brings on the very challenge that must be faced to coax the fuller scope of the dream out of hiding and make that dream real.

When Jupiter opposes Pluto, the biggest, brightest, most positive vision engages a showdown with the main obstacle in its way. This is like a showdown between Buddha & Genghis Khan. The sheer intensity of the polarisation can ground you deeper into the Dream, or turn you into a wild scourge foaming at the mouth.

When Dream opposes Shadow many deaths and births enter the evolutionary canal. Your vision and motivation are being called up to the plate. Your commitment is central. What sacrifice are you being asked to make to make that dream real? During this month of opposition, when the dust settles you'll either have a galvanised dream or an empty womb space where a new one can be born."

And so to the second nugget that sprung forth from the digital highway today. The discovery of two twin souls traversing the earth in search of stories that re-imagine higher education. Oh my dreams, my dreams are being nourished and inspired in one fell swoop. Udi Mandel and Kelly Teamey call what they have discovered 'Enlivened Learning'. As they state on their website "[it] is taking place in innovative spaces of learning that are emerging outside mainstream universities and colleges. These innovative initiatives are challenging what it means to learn and how knowledge is created. Born from social/ecological movements and indigenous communities, these initiatives are creatively addressing the questions – what is a university for? and what knowledges are important for us to creatively address the challenges we face today?
 
The answers these initiatives provide transforms people and communities through a process we are calling enlivened learning. Individuals learning in these places are connecting with their passion and creativity. They are engaging with community, land, history and culture. The nourishing connections that enlivened learning encourage, offer hope and imagination, offering different possibilities for re-imagining higher education. We feel this is an important and timely story to tell."

Watch the introduction and make up your own mind.

  Enlivened Learning an introduction from Multi-Sense Media on Vimeo.

In a room

Caught at the back of a room
With seemingly no way out
(there is always a way out,
the door to the prison is open)
I've arrived in that place
Not somewhere I intended to venture
Not knowingly chosen
Or is it?

This is where I am
It's dark, dank, damp and heavy
My emotions are like over ripe fruit
They hang ample and full
Bursting open full of anger
Resentment, vitriol, bitterness
Sadness, seething frustration
GRIEF!

My body voice wants to sing and shout
To be heard
I could lash out
Physically expressing the years
of repression
of oppression

How so?
Born into privilege
Into material abundance
Into a surfeit of seeming opportunity
Wanting for supposedly nothing
Except for ...
... except for ...
... ... and that's it ...
The place where words end
And feelings begin
Unfathomable feelings burst forth
Where cognitive sense ceases to have meaning
And experiential knowing unfurls itself
No schooling speaks of this place

I'm surely not the first
Nor will I be the last
to find myself here

I'm being stewed, broiled, cooked and boiled.
I'm being stripped, peeled, sliced and diced.

Played like a mouse caught
In the paws of an stealthy alley cat.
Learning life lessons
Faster than a hare running across a
sun drenched summers field.

I am mountain

Mountain's in many cultures are revered places. They are honour places of pilgrimage, refuge and sacredness. One such mountain in the UK is Cadair Idris found in the mountain range of Snowdonia, Wales. Cadair is regarded by locals as the great seat of poetry. Legend has it that anyone who chooses to spend a night on Cadair's peak will wake either mad, dead or a poet. Another Legend is that Arthur made his Kingdom here, hence the name 'seat of Arthur'. Many who have visited Cadair will tell you the same; there is something truly mythical, magical and mysterious about this great mountain. Irrespective of all the legends Cadiar is a mountain of transformation.

I am rock
I am mountain
I am tor

I offer perspective
I offer vision
I offer clarity

I am ancient
I am forever
I am present

I offer sanctuary
I offer pilgrimage
I offer silence

I am shaped by everything
I am welcoming
I am forgiving

I offer a place to belong
I offer memory
I offer a meeting point

I am of this place
I am part of you, as you are part of me
I am home

I offer stories
I offer acceptance
I offer a door to the unknown

I welcome the lost, the lonely and the unsure
I welcome the curious, the searching, the explorers
I welcome the challenging and the challenged
I welcome the committed and the uncommitted
I welcome the ecstatics, the joyous, the celebrants

Burn your fires upon me
Flow your waters through me
Blow your air around me
Place your soil on top of me.

Look into my eyes and you will see the moon, the stars, the whole cosmos
Lean against me and you will feel my warm and gentle embrace
Place your ear upon me and you will hear the song of your heart
Drop a fragment of me into your mouth when there is nothing left to nourish you
Stand upon me and in a moment from eternity exchange a breath with me.

I am rock
I am mountain
I am tor

Coke Ad - This is how to say NO MORE

A good friend pointed out today that we are far too nice and polite to one another and this can sometimes not serve us. It results in nonsense, inequality, ridiculousness, abuse and general bad behaviour going unchecked. And then through another friend via that ubiquitous social media known as facebook I saw an image by Banksy who absolutely nails how we should say NO MORE. He says what needs to be said and how it needs to be said. It's a defiant NO to the system that condones shafting people and then protects its own back in unscrupulous ways.

There are numerous genius methods to get creative and to rage against the inequities and to say NO MORE. Many thanks friends and Banksy for this timely reminder. I needed it.

Expand your heart

Find a story, 

let a story find you, 

share it with another 

and watch your hearts expand :)

We live in a storied landscape.

We are visual dynamic imaginal beings.

We are by nature story carriers.

There comes a time ...

 

On this day, post supermoon, it's the beginning of a brand new week and I am woken by a call from the estate agents to say we have been gazumped !!! Three weeks after our offer had been accepted, plans being made for buying our home are full speed ahead, solicitors have exchanged letters, contracts are being perused and we now find ourselves back at square one. It is simply a case of getting back up on the house hunting trail and starting again because getting back up is living. No biggy really. This is in the end one of those priviledged problems. Not everyone is in a position to buy there own home. We are very lucky. Then again, who'd have thought gazumping was back - not me :(

Super Moon Sunday

It's the closest and largest full moon of the year. The image below is a view of the super full moon taken this evening from our bedroom window looking over the roof tops of Totnes.

Technically astronomers call this sort of close full moon a perigee full moon. The word perigee describes the moon’s closest point to Earth for a given month. Two years ago, when the closest and largest full moon fell on March 19, 2011, many used the term supermoon. Last year, the term was use again to describe the year’s closest full moon on May 6, 2012. Now the term supermoon is being used a lot. The moon will not be so close again until August, 2014. The explanation of a supermoon is described by NASA in the graphic below.

Astrologically this full moon is a time of culmination and the promise of fulfilment of that which was started at the New Moon. It is an emotional time - a time of romance, fertilisation, and relationships. The Cancer-Capricorn polarity concerns the balance between the private life, domesticity, the need for a home base, and nurturance (represented by Cancer) versus the public life, career, reputation, and accountability (represented by Capricorn). Attachments and love are ruled by Cancer, while achievements and rewards/punishments are ruled by Capricorn. In some ways, this polarity deals with the balance between unconditional love and conditional love. Cancer encourages us to value our home base and our roots, while Capricorn persuades us to consider our sense of duty and responsibility along public or professional lines. While Cancer may be content to be dependent, Capricorn urges us to be grown-up and responsible. Cancer represents the origin, and Capricorn represents the goal. Neglecting either end of the axis will surely backfire on us. Ideally, a balance should be found between the two energies, and this is what the Full Moon invites us to do. This Full Moon is about balancing our commitment to our career and families. Something has been building inside of us, and now is the time when the energy of the cosmos fairly demands that we let it out. Over the next two weeks, we will discover what this means for us. For now, we can't sit on our feelings. We need to express them (www.cafeastrology.com).

Collective Wellbeing Muses

Opportunities for equanimity abound 

When creative engagement is found 

Sharpen the saw

Building brand new hopes in uncertainty

Getting to meet new people

If my doing comes from my being

Then I will feel well

Wellbeing is having cake and a cup of tea on a rainy afternoon

The cake of wellbeing smiled deeply !

Dandelion

Dandelion

In a field of grasses
and buttercups
stands the dandelion
its flowers and seed heads
mark the passage
of seasons and time
spreading their message
in every direction
on the wings of the wind
gently floating on by
noticed and unnoticed
waiting for nirvana day

some people

Another day
Another vote
Another step closer
To marriage equality in the UK.
It's not a lifestyle choice.
It's not a defining characteristic.
It's not about coming out.
It is about being visible.
It is about normalising what is normal.
It is about respect.

.

Wild Love

Perspective Pangaea

An amazing new map of Pangaea shows how all the land masses on the planet would have looked when as one. By displaying our modern day country borders it is interesting to see Brazil for example completely landlocked. You could travel everywhere by road and rail, not to mention sail the circumference.

The map above is being attributed to Massimo Pietrobon. The idea of land masses being huge tectonic plates moving around the surface of the earth was proposed by Dr Alfred Wegener back in 1912. It wasn't until the 1950's that his theory was more generally accepted within academia. Now there is the fossil evidence and more to support the premise that continental drift began 200 million years ago during the Triassic era. When you think that planet Earth began 4.5 billion years ago, the movement of the landmasses is relatively recent, at least in geological terms. And when you think homo sapiens appeared approximately 200,000 years ago it puts everything into an even greater perspective.We are only a mere dot in the timespan of this beautiful blue planet. Let's hope we have the sense to leave it just as we found it, if not better :)

Angggeerrrrrr !!!

I came across some words I wrote a few years ago, and it struck a chord as I have been going through a similar state of emotions of late. I am reminded of the cycles that my life and emotions go through. I am reminded that in the similarity of the events my emotions and struggles have a pattern to them. The story feels very similar ... and yet buried within there is a difference also.

Here's how it starts ..."This last week has been another roller-coaster ride. Once again I have been experiencing the ups and downs that life offers, yet each time it is somehow the same and somehow different. I have an opportunity as Satish might say to consider what is triggering my emotional reaction to events happening around me.

When my head feels like it is stuck in a vice that is being gradually tightened and my heart feels heavy with the doors closing shut and all around I sense my withdrawal I know that my emotional trigger is going off and my futile attempt at damage limitation is only serving to manifest my worst fears. Rather than protecting myself and others from my anger and frustration I am instead acting in a way that is not only harmful it disconnects me from those I love.

Instead of having the courage to reveal my vulnerability I withdraw or push people away, thus creating that which I fear - disconnection. Why can't I slow down and listen to what I am feeling in an open and inclusive way and try to seek greater harmony and connectedness? Why am I so afraid of looking foolish, of being judged, of being perceived as being selfish for wanting something different to that which is happening? As I write this it feels like I am being arrogant, like my ego is calling the shots. It's this ego-driven part of me that I dislike in myself and that I project onto others.

Aarrggggghhh !!! I can't deny there are times when conversations become intellectual gymnastics and I feel this monster rise up in me, it's if I am a tiger trapped in a corner by someone cracking a whip. I feel this anger welling up and in the most ridiculous self undermining way I want to come out on top fighting.

Living with uncertainty, stepping towards the unknown and looking into the centre of the abyss and not running or turning away, not judging or separating myself is so hard to do. Holding my hand up to others and admitting I am scared is nearly impossible. 

Scared to tell someone I love them for fear they use it against me, take advantage or ridicule me. 

Scared to tell someone I'm scare for fear they use it to destroy me. 

Scared to show my vulnerabilities because I don't want to face up to the parts of myself that can be harmful or negative to others. 

Scared to be rejected, ignored, unseen."

I have come along way since writing these words. Yes I still get triggered and overwhelmed by life and my emotions. Yes I do get scared, sometimes frustratingly so. Yes my pride can get the better of me. And yet the story is not entirely the same. I recognise the dark clouds more and more. I can accept they are as much a part of life as the rainy days, stormy nights or the sunshine. Life is a complex kaleidoscope not a two dimensional checker board. Not only that the dark clouds foretell a bright new dawn is approaching. That I have lessons to be learnt. It is quite exciting to know that life is an eternal unfolding. A state of constant coming into being, wanting to know itself more and more, with surprises to be received, and jewels to be discovered. Now when the quiver of uncertainty sails close by I still feel the passion and fight in me rise. If I'm truly honest even moments of resistance rear up inside. And yet from within I can also sense my engagement and tussle with the challenge. I  can also feel the exhilaration of transformation and change loom up far over the horizon.

What is to come this time? I do not know. Something will shift in me, around me, through me soon enough. Patience is the watchword in these times. No amount of haste, willingness or enticement on my part will bring the breakthrough any soon than it is due.

All I can say is watch this space. And in the meantime, please forgive my probably intolerable presence.

what would you like to do if money was no object?

Now there is a question that really, doesn't get asked honestly or genuinely very often. I am wondering how many times I have asked myself this question. There is another question I have asked myself quiet often, which is; why am I doing this stupid and seemingly pointless activity that is giving me little to no joy? And on those occasions, when I can, I pluck up the most courage and do my level best to stop doing those stupid, meaningless and vacuous activities. From this I have been given some idea of what it is I do not like to do.

For example,  I do NOT like to:

• Live someone elses dream.
• Pretend that what I am doing is making a difference when it is not.
• Sit in a room all day listening and talking endlessly stuck in my head.
• Be under the oppression of someone else.
• See prejudice and exploitation going uncontested.
• Be part of unwitnessed suffering.
• Be part of a system that is doing harm to others.
• Be unconscious of my actions.
• Be working for money alone or working without being valued.
• Be bored for too long.
• Be unable to express myself or be creative.
• Be in predicatable, mundane and routinised situations.

 ... this list could go on.

And yet, if I asked myself, what would I like to do if money was no object? I worryingly struggle to connect to any deep heartfelt response. It's like there is part of me that simply does not compute what this amounts to in actuality. I believe I have experienced a sense of doing something where money was no object? I can remember times when I have enjoyed doing something where money was no object. Such as,  playing sports, taking a picnic on a warm sunny day, strolling along the beach, watching a sunset, walking in the woods, swimming in the river, volunteering, planting trees, walking with my dog, hanging out with fun people, writing ... essentially playing with no fixed outcome ... during these moments I have felt what I might describe as freedom, a lifting of the cage.

My struggle is to know who I am.

A simple question. Very straightforward really. I am realising more and more that for me it is not so simple to answer. I sense the parameters that I use to answer this question has been set outside of myself. So instead of listening to my own inner voice I compare myself to others, listen to others, allow my expectations to be set by others. All of which prevents me from knowing who I am and what I would like to do if money were no object. Where do I start to find an answer? This is where Alan Watts comes back into the picture. The philosopther, teacher, Buddhist who has asked this question of many has some wise words to share.

Take a listen.

that was no small snake

Yesterday I was taking a walk through the Lost Gardens of Heligan. At the lower end of the Jungle area a path called the Georgian Ride takes you through some beautiful woodland blanketed in wild garlic and bluebells. At the furthest point south a charcoal sculpture by James Eddy can be found.

As you can see I was drawn to take a closer look at this fine work of art. Depending on the angle the sculpture took on different appearances. From one viewpoint it looked like a witches hat. From another perspective it looked like a mountain top. And then from another outlook it took on the shape of a helter skelter.

While walking around the back of this giant edifice I stepped off the trail into the brambles and nettles to respond to the call of nature. Three steps into the undergrowth and the ground started unravelling and moving before my eyes. In the blink of an eye I focused onto the movement and realised it wasn't the ground moving, it was a snake! Over the years I've seen a few small snakes slide across my path. On these previous occasions no alarm was triggered by such experiences, that is until today. For this snake that unfurled itself in front of my foot was huge. A scream of realisation and a sharp turn of foot and I was out of the long grass back onto the path gasping for breath. The last thing I expected to encounter down in the depths of Cornwall was a massive grass snake.

On returning home recounting my story I learnt that when a snake appears in your life it is quite auspicious. It is for some the foreteller of transformation, rebirth and change. Bring it on I say. After the last couple of weeks I am up for some life shifts. Watch this space ...

If you are wondering what a grass snake looks like, check out the picture below.

to be in the flow or not in the flow

Flow has often been the word of the moment. especially in the first quarter of this year. Do I even know what it is? It seems to me Flow is to be experienced, lived in, moved by. The rain is falling, being caught by the leaves of the tree outside my window and slowly dripping down to the ground to flow further still into the ground below to continue on its inextricable journey back to rain again. Water is flow. Without water flowing there would be nothing. I dream of being in the flow where the ego sense of me disappears, time disolves and I flow along in the energetic field of life. Wow flow is awesome. That's where I want to be. Simple.

I'm lost, feeling disconnected from someone, from myself. It's because I am resisting the questions I want to ask, the actions I want to take, the place I want to be. I am resisting because that is what I do. I want to live by my intuition, my instincts, my senses and yet my intellect gets in the way and filters what I do, edits what I say and diminishes my experience. I need to be more couragous and trust myself more. Really there is nothing to lose except my inhibitions, my fears, my shadow. All of which I would be better without.

and then came love

Out of the Occupy Movement came a message of hope, a spark of creativity and an invitation to LOVE. A great antidote to all the doom, gloom, heaviness, suffering, pain, despair that I and maybe you can sometimes feel. There are ways to transform our experiences and to find ways into relationships which are caring, nurturing, generative, healing and loving.

For an insight into this Movement check out the trailer for the film Occupy Love.

Deflated balloon

Ever have one of those weeks :(

when nothing seems to flow?

the scales of justice tip the wrong way

and you feel like Sysiphus pushing a

large rock up an unfeasibly steep hill

if you were a party balloon

all your air would escape

you know

that deflated feeling !!

well that's the kind of week I am having

no pity-me party here

just a sense of ennui

stuck like an elephant in an alley

no place to go

like all uncomfortable

unwanted experiences

it will pass

ssssooooooooooooonn I hope :)

I don't want to be the energy vampire

sucking the life out of the room

overwhelmed by gloom

like grey clouds looming on the horizon

rain pending

no way not today or tomorrow

or the day after that!

I want to be able to pat myself on the back

say 'job well done'

you are the one who came through

yes you - thank YOU

let's get out the balloons

and have a party,

make some noise,

pop a few corks

and celebrate

now that's the kind of turn around

that I can support

I want to report my dreams have come true

that I've had a red letter day

and that between me and you

Life is GOOD

if only I could, 

I would be the happiest person I know

so what am I waiting for,

let's go ...

from one of those balloon deflating weeks

into a dream creating week.

Garbage Warrior - Michael Reynolds

For all you tech-heads out there you maybe interested in the work of Michael Reynolds, aka the Garbage Warrior. Michael is a trained and practising architect in the US. He has developed carbon zero low impact houses that have a gentle eco-footprint on the planet. As he says, 'the technology is already here'. What is getting in the way is the will to use it. The emerging new housing is springing up all over the place. Know as earthships, they are off-grid responses to a peak oil world. Earthships are built using waste materials, including tires, wines bottles, tin cans and plastic bottles.

There are many ways to checkout further information. For example, you might like to watch the documentary Garbage Warrior, you could click on the youtube video below or google Micheal Reynolds - The Garbage Warrior. It's controversial and yet worth consideration.

 

Space the final frontier

With my word of 2013 being spaciousness my senses become attuned when this term appears before me. This week it happened in a circuitous way while watching Iain McNay interviewing Dr Amit Goswami on youtube (search 'Consciousness, Quantum Physics and Being Human'). Amit referred to the idea of consciousness being the ground of all being. Further to this he was drawn to the idea, the observer is the observed introduced by J Krishnamurti. Following up on this I found the connection to space.  

In this sense Krishnamurti says "Space is necessary. Without space there is no freedom. We are talking psychologically. It is only when one is in contact, when there is no space, between the observer and the observed, that one is in total relationship - with a tree for instance. One is not identified with the tree, the flower, a woman, a man or whatever it is, but when there is this complete absence of space as the observer and the observed, then there is vast space. In that space there is no conflict; in that space there is freedom. Freedom is not a reaction. You cannot say, " Well, I am free". The moment you say you are free, you are not free, because you are conscious of yourself as being free from something, and therefore you have the same situation as an observer observing a tree. He has created a space, and in that space he breeds conflict.
To understand this requires not intellectual agreement or disagreement, or saying, "I don't understand", but rather it requires coming directly into contact with what is. It means seeing that all your actions, every moment of action is of the observer and the observed, and within that space there is pleasure, pain and suffering the desire to fulfill, to become famous. Within that space there is no contact with anything. Contact, relationship has a quite different meaning when the observer is no longer apart from the observed. There is this extraordinary space, and there is freedom."

Inequality coming to a place near you, if not already, then soon!

Like most children in the UK I was introduced to a board game called Monopoly at a reasonably early age. I can distinctly remember playing this game with my family one Christmas when I was about 10 years old. My dad said to me at the beginning when I asked to play - "you're not going to like this". Being as stubborn as I am I insisted on playing anyway unconvinced that a board game was going to upset me. And he was right, eventually as the game progressed I realised my Nan was going to be pushed out of the game because she was running out of money. And I did not like the inequity. What was most annoying is the rules did not allow anyone to help my Nan stay in the game by giving her some of their money. At this point I tipped the board up in the air in protest and left the room in tears.

Put simply Monopoly is a child's game that teaches us from the cradle how the economic system works. Money accumulates. The wealthy get richer and the poor get poorer.

Which brings me to the many recent reports, surveys and questionnaires on inequality, like the youtube clip above. I am astounded why so many of us are incredulous, surprised and shocked by what is an inevitable consequence of the economic system we live in.

I'm not for one second condoning neo-liberalism or the capitalist system that produces these inequalities.The system does absolutely what it sets out to do - make money. It doesn't for one moment make claims to make anyone healthier, happier or more whole. It is a money making machine - the end. So if the human purpose is to make money we've done well. However, if like me, you think the human purpose, our reason for being is something other than making money, then you maybe asking yourself what is the alternative.

And that's when I think back to my childhood and wonder what games I played that showed me another system other than the capitalist one. Well there were lots of sports games where we had to compete against one another, outwit our opponents and strive to be number one, the winner. I'm not sure if that is much different to the game of Monopoly. Then there were games like pass the parcel or musical chairs, where again one outright winner would emerge. I suppose the lesson was to win and lose with grace, whatever that means.

How about hide and seek? We begin in a hidden unseen fragmented state and slowly by searching the group comes back to wholeness. And yet we still define the winner as the last person to be found. Nevertheless, it maybe that we are getting closer to an alternative system. We could explore all the cooperative games. Few spring to mind, although I know they exist. Such games teach us how to have fun, be ourselves and also play together for a shared experience. No winners, no losers, simply players. Maybe in this type of system difference would still occur, but it would not present itself in the form of inequality. Just a thought.

I am left asking myself the question, how can we transform -them / us- dualistic thinking into -and / both- non-dual thinking?

Answers on a postcard to ...

 

Horse Sense

This afternoon we went up close to Dartmoor near Hembury Woods to meet three amazing horses called William, Henry and Arthur. Despite the freezing cold temperatures we managed to spend a couple of hours hanging out with them in the fields. There is something special about being with other animals. It allows us to drop the human-ness and be our animal selves. William, Henry and Arthur live in the present moment and invite our authenticity. It's okay to be nervous, especially for someone like me unused to being around horses. They led the way in being natural, real and simply themselves. Our desire was to get a little closer to experience life through their eyes. To know the world in the way horses know the world.

Arthur has recently been brought back into the herd to be with William and Henry. This is a video of the moment they greeted each other again after a gap of 4.5 years.



Who said animals don't have feelings, emotions, cognitive awareness ... these three horse pals are as excited to be with one another again as any human reunion could match.

We spent a brief few hours with them today, saying hello, being amongst them as they ate their hay and walking them into their paddock while a few of us got to lead them on and ride on their backs. The horses are ridden mostly bare-backed. It looked so natural and from where I was standing they appeared to be enjoying themselves. I have a long way to go in building up my confidence around these huge powerful beauties. Their independence was quite apparent to me and yet them were playful and curious of us. A willingness to interact and communicate was palpable. William and Arthur adored the attention. A great way to spend the day!

Yellow

What a difference a couple of days make. Yellows brilliance can change everything. Travelling through the Cornish countryside we came across a field of daffodils. Never before had I seen such a sight. From a distance it first appeared to me like a field of oilseed rape. To our surprise and joy as we came closer we realised the yellow was that of daffodils in full bloom enjoying a rare moment of sunshine.

Such strong unabashed displays of yellow can lift the soul to soaring heights of glorious joy. It is a colour of sheer unadulterated happiness. This field of golden yellow daffodils is yet another clear reminder that spring is here.

Snow Easter Like a Cold Easter

Deep snow is blanketing parts of the country, making beautiful patterns on trees and forming natural frozen icicle sculptures. Biting winds from the north are cutting through cosy woollen coats. According to weather reports this is the coldest Easter in the UK since modern records began. Hold on to your hats this is not as astonishing as it might sound, as modern records began in 1960. We are not going back hundreds of years in our collective climatic memories. Nevertheless, average temperatures are down by 3 degrees Celsius, which is enough at this time of year to chill the average person to the bone! In other words it feels very much like winter is still amongst us.

While sleeping last night the clocks sped forward one hour. Alas this was not sufficient inducement for the sun to make an appearance today. The tiniest glimmer of sunshine and blue skies is all the encouragement needed to entice our mortal souls outside into the world to take advantage of the lengthening days. My body is missing the feeling of warm sunshine and the caress of a delicate breeze. I declare it is time for spring! The trees are in bud, their leaves pending, willing to burst open in verdant splendour. Seeds planted back in February are doing their utmost to emerge from their darkened blankets of soil. Slowly they grow their green tentacles towards the smallest hint of light whilst carrying with them our dreams and wishes for the year ahead.

It's all pendant, the pent up feelings of springs potential is pulling us into the days and weeks ahead. A readiness is palpable. The yearning, longing for the transformation from death to rebirth, renewal and celebrations of Eostre are upon us. Never mind these arctic temperatures and the wintry scenes outside our windows. Bring on the sunshine to go with the springtime and happy days are here again :)
   

Living with the mystery or what does it mean to be?

The closer I am to the unknown the more challenging life can be. And yet that is where I keep finding myself, sitting at the door of the unknown wondering whether to open it and step inside to be with the mystery. Each time I go through agonies of indecision, of not knowing. In the end all I need do is open the door and step inside. Sounds so easy when put like that. Each time the mystery gets a little closer it appears in a different guise. A new set of clothes to fool me and I reacquaint myself with self doubt, indecision and procrastination. How do I stay in the flow and keep moving? Daily I have to commit to revealing myself. Which part of myself do I have the courage to be? The closer to me I can dare to be the more of the mystery I can turn and face. There is my challenge each and every day … to be me … as simple as that.