Why life unfolds as it does is a mystery

It's been over 3 months since I last posted to my blog. This is the longest gap in posting since I started up in 2007. I am curious how and why this happened. Firstly, it has been an unplanned break and an unexpected one in the sense that it is only recently that I've become consciously aware of my blog and the lack of postings. It is as if my blog simply disappeared from my conscious horizon. This happens in so many ways, not only my blog vanishes, but people, places, events, objects, experiences and memories. They are all present one moment and then in the blink of an eye they are gone. If this can happen to my blog I am left wondering what else in my life has disappeared from my awareness without me realising?

In the last few weeks I have had the space to slow down and it is now I am realising what I have left behind in my packed out schedule.  I have had much to share and write about during the last 3 months, however, my attention has been on the act of 'doing', the living and participating in experiences, rather than processing, reflecting and sharing. Being in the present moment immersed in being is ok, to a point. Where I am more uncomfortable is in the lack of deeper processing, reflection and contemplation. Without this complementary dimension I feel my life becomes blinded from the connections, the relational knowing that is also present. What might be called the transpersonal experience. All doing and not enough awareness of being is like living as an individual seperate entity and not recognising or engaging consciously with the universal whole. Time can fly and it can feel like I am having a lot of fun, and yet there is no sense of the deeper and greater connection to meaning or purpose to the great universal being beyond the individual separate self.

Last night I was reading Harvey Arden's Dreamkeepers on the life of the Australian Aboriginal. Chapter 17 'The Mystery of Wayrrull' introduced a most fascinating character, David Mowaljarlai.

© Harvey Arden 1994 photo of David Mowaljarlai

 
This is what david had to share ... "What's important is beyond all understanding - that's the first thing you must understand," ... "Ask me questions if you like ... but remember the same question's got different answers for different people.Maybe they're true for you, maybe not. And never forget - everything's a mystery anyway. Once it stops bein' a mystery it stops bein' true."

"I go to teach in the universities in Perth or Sydney or wherever young people'll listen to me. Give 'm one o' my messages. You call 'm lectures, but they're messages. Words carry the spirit, you know? That's about all we Aboriginals have left to give the world. Spirit. But that's a lot, and we're always glad to share it. So sit down in the sharde here. I'm glad you blokes caught me before I left."

"Identity," he began. "That's the thing."

"I know who I am. I have my identity. I am a Nagarinyin man. My dreaming is Hibiscus. That's my symbol, a beautiful pink flower. And this ... this is also my symbol."

His eyes burned with an incandescent pride.

"This is my brand, my identity. We have to spill our blood on the earth, spill our blood in the country to make it ours. Once we spill our blood there we belong to the country. When another Aboriginal looks at these scars, he knows where I'm from, what my country is, who I am. He knows my identity and I can look at him and know his.

"But these days my people don't belong to their country anymore. They've been locked out. White man took the land away from them. Took their identity away, too. Our people don't know where they're from anymore. They don't know their grandfather or grandmother. They don't know why they're on this earth. They hurt. They hurt in their hearts. They dry up like a desert. They're empty, like an empty drum inside.Got no life inside 'm. That's why they want the grog so bad. To make the hurt go away. To make it wet again inside."

"So they get into all kinds of humbug and kill 'mselves and each other. People I know who were young in the sixties and seventies ... they're dead now. Gone. I have to bury 'm.  But I'm an old man now ... they should be buryin' me!"

"And it's all because they don't know their right place. They don't know their country anymore. They don't know their borders, their boundaries. Everyone needs to know their place and where their borders is.  If they don't know that, then they don't know their own identity. Without that they have no soul, nothin'. That's their creation place that country.  When they die the soul goes back there. Doesn't matter where they die, their soul goes back to their country. But now their soul is lost. They never knew their country so their soul doesn't know how to get back there."

"Even worse, today's generation don't want to listen. They've lost it and don't want to know it. They don't want to know who they are. So that's why I go around teachin' about Aboriginal identity. Teach white people, teach black people. teach 'm about Aboriginal culture. I'm trying to give the Aboriginal back his identity ... That's my work, that's my life."*

David's words spurred me to ask myself to what extent do I know my identity? Do I even want to know? To which I say a big YES. If this is true how do I go about rediscovering who I am, where my country is and reconnecting to the land? Even in a country as small in land mass as the United Kingdom there are many tribes. If I think about my travels about this land I recall many differences in topography, architecture, geology, climate, food and dialects all of which tell varying stories of the people and the land.

When did this disconnection take place?
Was it my generation, my parents?
Or way before that?
Who knows where I am from anymore or where I belong?
I wonder is it possible to start again?
Could I begin relating to the land where I now find myself?
How do I do this?
Aboriginal men scar their bodies. Their blood touches the land and forever connects them to that place. Is this how Celtic people were initiated into adulthood?

So many questions swim around in my mind searching for answers and I am reminded of David's earlier words, 'the same questions got different answers for different people'. And most of all - 'what's important is beyond all understanding.' Maybe it is not about having answers. It's more about asking questions and acting on these questions by allowing this curiosity to light the path ahead.

And back to where I started in this mystery; why did I stop writing my blog 3 months ago? I have no idea. But I did stop. And then I started gain. That is all I need to know.
 

*Arden, H. (1994) 'Dreamkeepers', HarperCollins, NY, (p.197-200). 

Goethe and Einstein

In the last few days two quotes (see below) from men of what I would call 'more-than-science' have floated across my horizon. It's striking to me that science in it's fullest deepest sense is way beyond an objective external verifiable truth. It is a search for meaning, knowing, sensing, feeling and experiencing of what it is to be living a life in this wonderous universe.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)

 “Man knows himself only to the extent that he knows the world; he becomes aware of himself only within the world, and aware of the world only within himself.  Every object, well contemplated, opens up a new organ within us.”

 Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

 

 “A human being is a part of the whole, called by us ‘Universe’, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest -a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness-. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation, and a foundation for inner security.”  

Mr Squirrel

Yesterday while picnicking in a local garden we were joined by this little fella. Squirrels are fun to watch. This one was quite, small and seemed like a young one all bright eyed and bushy tailed enjoying his day in the spring sunshine. Later on my cycle home a squirrel dashed across my path. They can be lightening fast. When I arrivedhome I decided to look up the meaning of Squirrels as a power animal totem or guide. And this is what I found: 

"Squirrel gathers and prepares for long winter nights.  As a friendly, quick and industrious worker, he knows the ways to survive.  On a spiritual plain, Mr. Squirrel brings us many gifts and lessons to help us gather the blessings of life for our journey into the next dimension.

Squirrel is fast at everything he does and remains in constant motion during three seasons of the year.   For those who hear or see squirrel in dreams, the message may be to 'get busy' with your life and stop waiting for good things to happen.  The squirrel is a reminder that good things come from our honest labour.

Squirrels do not always remember where they store the hard earned food and forget the best routes to travel to retrieve their stores during winter.  If you see squirrel, it may be time to slow down and concentrate on the task at hand.

Squirrels are playful, friendly and chatty.  As a sociable animal, the squirrel continually chatters sometimes to the annoyance of his neighbours.  If you hear squirrel, it may be a lesson to seek silence or to speak slowly and distinctly.

Squirrels are skittish and at the same time trusting.  They will often eat from your hand and come very close to bring a gift.  This wonderful quality of the squirrel teaches us to trust one another in personal relationships and trust the Creator in all things.  Creating trust where none exited builds on this special medicine.

The squirrel teaches us to gather our energies for the important tasks in life and honour the future by preparing for change."*

*http://www.manataka.org/page236.html

Be glad to be here ...

I came across a fabulous land artist called Richard Shilling. He is following in the footsteps of an artists way using nature materials and the landscape to make art. Some call it land art, or earth art, ecological art, or nature art. Whatever you want to call it when you see the images of the ephemeral creations you may understand the beauty within. For more on Richard Shilling read his blog or visit his webpage. And if you are interested in sharing your own nature mandala's there is an incredibly lovely group on facebook where you can send examples of your work for others to see. Go create and have fun :) And whatever you do, don't think about all those things you fear ...

  

Anarch - T - y

As an imbiber of the refined

refreshing brew known as tea.

I have learnt to never underestimate

its mighty powers to effect change :)

There's a radical moment in every pot !

Become an imaginal cell and watch the world change :)

Dr Bruce Lipton uses biological science and the metaphor of a caterpillar becoming a butterfly to describe what is happening in the world today. Our daily lives may appear dangerous, scary and bleak and yet there is a beautiful, connected and loving world emerging before us and within us. You maybe able to see it forming and you may not. For those of us who haven't done so already it helps to awaken to our intuition, listen to our inner voice and trust in our creative potential. Then reach out and connect with our tribe, build and nurture our relationships and follow our passions. Change is inevitable. The question we should each ask ourselves is, what kind of world do we want to co-create? Don't wait for someone else to do it. Don't believe those who tell you it's not possible. We can thrive. We can make our own dreams come true. We all have a special gift to contribute and a unique role to play. There is hope. You are one of the 100%. Occupy Love.

 
The Evolution of the Butterfly from Abraham Heisler on Vimeo.

We are all Guru's

Did you know guru means teacher? I didn't know this until the last weekend. I was given this gem of information while on retreat with Thich Nhat Hanh and the monastics from Plum Village. What is it that we teach you may ask? We teach whatever it is we represent be it happiness, love, joy, sadness, fear, suffering. All these emotions are within us and also outside of us because there is no separation. The cosmos is everywhere in all things simultaneously. Some would say we are all interconnected and others would say we are all inseperable. It all pretty much adds up to the same thing.

There are an infinite number of pathways to enlightenment, or should I say to be enlightened ... as it may be more a state of being rather than a destination. And what is enlightenment? Ah, that's the ultimate question that upon answering transcends itself.

At the weekend I participated in a Buddhist Retreat for educators led by Tay, which means teacher, or as I now realise it also means guru. Tay is the affectionate name given to Thich Nhat Hanh. It is pronounced more like Tie. He has travelled to the UK with over 50 monks and nuns from Plum Village to share with us their way of being in the world. If you want a small insight into this travelling band of merry people take a look at this ...

   

 

Introverts

In the last few weeks the nature of introverts has been the subject of conversation on a regular basis. There have been articles by the BBC and the Guardian newspaper as well as images like the one above appearing on facebook. It's as if the notion of introversion has been rediscovered and the quiet people are being noticed again. Which by the way, if you are an introvert, being noticed in and of itself is a bit of a worry. Nevertheless a contemplative, reflective personality, need not be downtrodden or overwhelmed in the modern world. There are qualities that the more gentle people have to offer that provide balance and wholeness to our collective experience. We need all kinds of people. No one is better or more special than anyone else. This is not an agenda of affirmative action or positive discrimination in favour of introverts. It's all ok. The world is non-dualistic. We do not need to focus on polarities. It is not an either or situation. It is merely a recognition of the qualities of introverts and an appreciation of how to be comfortable in the modern world if this is your predilection. Nor is the act of taking care of yourself as an introvert a proclamation of selfishness. Why, if you don't nurture and nourish yourself how else can you be supportive and present to others? So let's celebrate the diversity of personalities and be thankful that we are not all the same. Life is so much more colourful because of our differences. Yeah to the introverts and their desire for quietness, privacy and presence. May the world be a more welcoming, open, inclusive, understanding, considerate and accepting place of the unique characteristics of each one of us.

The signs of spring

Say hello to Pedro, he is a beautiful young fox cub. More of Pedro's story in a little while.

In the last week here in the northern hemisphere we crossed the threshold from winter to spring. It's been weeks now in the Southwest of the UK that the daffodils have been smiling their happy dance of yellow and green. They are the advanced messengers of the lengthening days and shortening nights herald by the spring equinox. Over the weekend the clocks rolled an hour forward extending the light even further into the early evening. Up in the sky Venus and Jupiter are showering us with the energy of love and expansion. My life has been on a roller-coaster journey for much of the year. Intense experiences popping up all over the place. I am learning so much and yet occasionally wishing for some respite in my unfolding story. The occasional oasis of calm or sneaky peak of clarity is much appreciated amidst the hoopla. So many questions are swimming about my head leaving unanswered trails in their wake. Questions like ...

What is the obstacle in my life that needs to be seen and invited in as a companion?

Why am I so triggered by the voice of judgement from others?

What still remains hidden from view that needs to be seen and witnessed?

As happens in spring  we plant seeds to grow and be harvested in the coming year. I thought I knew the names of some of my seeds germinating in the darkness. And yet what I hadn't expected was the rushing torrent of fears that are re-emerging from the darkness to be so dense. Another reminded of the hurts and wounds in me that still need to be tended as much as the seeds of my possible futures. Although it does not get any easier, at least I now have the experience to know that I should not turn away. Once I can hear my inner voice, I recognise the process of deep listening is needed and deep creativity. As Amit Goswami would say ... do-be-do-be-do. Reflect, act, reflect some more and get more active. While this dance goes on in me, in each of us, I have to be on the look out for a spark to appear in a moment of lucidity. it is then the hands of the artist in me can begin to shape, create, dance and sing to move the spark and manifest it into a more physical form. From spirit to matter. And yes it does matter.

Recently I read a story of a tiny young fox called Pedro. His story reminded me that the process of tending to the nurturing and nourishing of the spark within is just like the way we would tend to any new born, be it animal, vegetable or mineral !!!

 ... he was discovered (like a spark) lost and separated from his mother. Without the love and care provided by the people at the Secret World Wildlife Rescue Centre, Pedro would not have survived alone for much longer in the hedgrow, he is too young. When he is a little stronger and older he will be returned to the wild to be the fox he is born to be. And that is the beauty of creativity, of the spark or seed of life ... life is always lived in relationship. We are never truly alone. Although it may feel that way sometimes. Beginnings need tender loving care before they can be set free to live their destiny.

In the springtime we plant seeds that with care will grow and mature into beautiful beings ... thereby fulfilling their potential and eventually returning back to the darkness to repeat the cycle again one day. Every step of the journey has its purpose and meaning. Each step needs care and attention. Early on it can feel lonely and precarious. And yet it is through relationship and a deep sense of connection to others that we find our way.

On Sunday evening I heard a poem by Mary Oliver that holds a similar message. It is called Wild Geese and goes like this ...

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting 

over and over announcing your place
in the family of things. 
 

Extra Five Minute Poems

I.
The gentle and the unexpected
are what I need
to keep me in the here and now
if I can see you coming
I can leave before you arrive
when asked to jump
I do not honestly say
how high
I just start jumping until
you go away
don't walk down the street
waving banners
and singing songs
I will only close the door
if you want to greet me
simply arrive


II.
I'm doing my best
It is all I can do
Holding onto the thread
Knitting and weaving
in my own way

Someday's I feel connected
Others the beat is off and no
Matter how hard I try the
Rhythm is dissonant,
Disjointed and distant

Oh to be alone again
To slowdown and watch the
Sky as the clouds float by
To listen to the sweet
Melody of the birds as they cry

To sense time unfold
Upon itself into forever
Lost in this magical
Time and place
I am found


III.
It's hard to die
Sometimes we can miss the doorway
Medicalisation can hold us together
Long after we should have gone

It's hard to die
To know the moment
To allow ourselves to let go
To be let go of, gently


IV.
She lay in her bed
asking for daffodil's
the only word she expressed,
daffodil's
my Aunt left for the shops
came back and placed
the flowers by her bed
'daffodils'' she says again
my Aunt retells the story
to the nurse
She wants custard creams
says the nurse
tea and biscuits follow
and my Aunt places
a dunked custard cream
in her mouth
daffodils, she smiles

Simple Spiral

This morning I leisurely past time playing down on the beach. The air was pleasantly warm. The sea was calm. The tide was ever so gradually going out. Tiny waves lapped up onto the pebbles on the sand. I began to collect shells and found myself making this ever so simple labyrinth.

Tonight walking back from dinner the full moon was high in the sky revealing all her majestic beauty. Shining a silvery light to guide us back home.

Circles and spirals every which way I look as a reminder of the cyclical patterns constantly to be found in all forms of life. From the microcosm to the macrocosm. What goes around, comes around.

"We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.
Quick now, here, now, always—
A condition of complete simplicity
(Costing not less than everything)
And all shall be well and
All manner of thing shall be well
When the tongues of flames are in-folded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one."

T. S. Eliot - Four Quartets: Little Gidding

Eve Ensler - Suddenly, my body

I love this woman for what she has to say, for the journey she is on and the way she shares it with us. I can feel her fierce burning passion for life and her warrior energy as she fights with all her might for what she cares passionately for - which is you and me, the fish and the trees, the earthworms and the whisper of the wind - the everything that is all connected in a beautiful flowing dance of life. The poet [Drew Dellinger] says this entire travelling cosmos is the secret one, slowly growing a body. And this is Eve Ensler feeling into her body, which by extension is the body we all share. The divine. And we can all touch this moment, the realisation that all suffering and harm can be transcended in an instance. Think love. Be love. Think one. Be one.

Take a moment ...

... and watch this. 



Peace and Love :)