what would you like to do if money was no object?

Now there is a question that really, doesn't get asked honestly or genuinely very often. I am wondering how many times I have asked myself this question. There is another question I have asked myself quiet often, which is; why am I doing this stupid and seemingly pointless activity that is giving me little to no joy? And on those occasions, when I can, I pluck up the most courage and do my level best to stop doing those stupid, meaningless and vacuous activities. From this I have been given some idea of what it is I do not like to do.

For example,  I do NOT like to:

• Live someone elses dream.
• Pretend that what I am doing is making a difference when it is not.
• Sit in a room all day listening and talking endlessly stuck in my head.
• Be under the oppression of someone else.
• See prejudice and exploitation going uncontested.
• Be part of unwitnessed suffering.
• Be part of a system that is doing harm to others.
• Be unconscious of my actions.
• Be working for money alone or working without being valued.
• Be bored for too long.
• Be unable to express myself or be creative.
• Be in predicatable, mundane and routinised situations.

 ... this list could go on.

And yet, if I asked myself, what would I like to do if money was no object? I worryingly struggle to connect to any deep heartfelt response. It's like there is part of me that simply does not compute what this amounts to in actuality. I believe I have experienced a sense of doing something where money was no object? I can remember times when I have enjoyed doing something where money was no object. Such as,  playing sports, taking a picnic on a warm sunny day, strolling along the beach, watching a sunset, walking in the woods, swimming in the river, volunteering, planting trees, walking with my dog, hanging out with fun people, writing ... essentially playing with no fixed outcome ... during these moments I have felt what I might describe as freedom, a lifting of the cage.

My struggle is to know who I am.

A simple question. Very straightforward really. I am realising more and more that for me it is not so simple to answer. I sense the parameters that I use to answer this question has been set outside of myself. So instead of listening to my own inner voice I compare myself to others, listen to others, allow my expectations to be set by others. All of which prevents me from knowing who I am and what I would like to do if money were no object. Where do I start to find an answer? This is where Alan Watts comes back into the picture. The philosopther, teacher, Buddhist who has asked this question of many has some wise words to share.

Take a listen.