transition

ouch! a line reached, a point crossed, the out-stretched palm of the hand figuratively thrust toward me, boom! sudden and unseen, I step back, retract, like a turtle into her shell, seeking safety and security, I know what my face is telling the world is somehow other than what I'm feeling, or is it? I'm deep within and my expression is for others to see, not me and I get asked if I'm ok, which would suggested my expression indicates otherwise, hum, distance, contraction, rejection, exclusion, withdrawal, is this what is happening? needs to happen? I don't know, maybe at points of transition it is best to tread ever more gently and listen to my soft animal body, talk less, react less, observe more, show gratitude, think of others, expand my heart so as not to feed the reoccurring film that wants to play entitled - 'self-doubt, outcast, outsider - you're not wanted or needed here anymore, go and leave and don't come back', the separation and moving on process flips like a switch, everyone reacts, takes cover, moves on, adjusts, adapts, this place is built to overcome separation, it does not want people to stay, or place roots, attachment is not wanted or desired, nurtured or expected, leavings are celebrated, I feel myself detach, disentangle, gathering up my belongs the return is impossible to imagine, uncomfortable to bear, too soon to contemplate, it's time to go again! again, it's time to go ...!